I need to vent..
It's eating me alive..

2 weeks ago, we found out my mom has "at least stage 3" lung cancer and in 3 lymph nodes.
Last Tuesday she couldn't breathe so she went back to her doctor.
She was immediately admitted to the hospital.
After having an MRI done, we discovered it had traveled to the heart and fluid was built up.
Stage 4. Terminal. un-curable.
So they drained 600ml of fluid from the surrounding area of my mother's heart..
Last Night they thought she was better and closed the valve..
My mom almost died this morning..
But it didn't matter that they closed the valve because the blood had clotted to stop it from draining.
Her blood pressure rose.
They tried to stabilize her so they could perform the procedure again.
They had to rush her in anyways because her blood pressure dropped.
They drained another 500ml of fluid.
They also drained over 1,000 ml of fluid from her right lung that is now only 80% functionable.
She is currently under sedation with a breathing machine hooked up to her until morning.
I was told the doctor said "a few weeks is being optimistic"
But I have to be optimistic.
I can't imagine my life without you Momma.
I love you forever & always mom.
I pray for a miracle.
Yours forever,
Andrea Jenkins.

I try to search for words, but they escape me.
I listen for sounds, but my mind is loud.
I try to feel for something comforting, but I feel pain.
I try to smell something familiar, but I smell nothing.
I try to taste food, but I can't taste it.

My senses have left me, in a senseless state.

Feeling lost, but I can't see my fate.

My world starts to crumble, piece by piece.

Leaving me with an empty hole that won't seize.

Contemplating on what I should do, that's when I turn to you.

Give me strength for I am weak.
Help me Lord, for I am a lost sheep.

Through these struggles I hope to gain better perspective and continue onward.

Andrea Jenkins

So, I've been spending time on different social media sites (Facebook,Twitter) and I sit back and watch what people post.

In a nutshell, here are a few things I've picked up on:

1) Stalkers.
These come in many different shapes and forms of different type's.
    * The celebrity stalker.
Normally I'd refer to them as "fans" but their overly obsessive yet crazy yet weird posts make them come off as stalkers.
    * The ex stalker.
You know, the crazy ex that "checks up on you" a little too often and needs to be slapped in the face with a restraining order.
    *The ex's new girlfriend/boyfriend.
The jealous insecurity does NOT make you attractive, get a life.

2) Spam accounts.
    *No I don't want a FREE IPhone 6

3)Fake accounts.
    * You have a house in Malibu the size of a football field and your profile picture looks like you're a nice person but someone THAT rich.. Where did you say you work? McDonald's? Yeah..not buying it.
    *You look PERFECT in your profile picture.. But I saw you yesterday and you looked like road kill..
Cheeto orange isn't a skin color last I checked, your boobs were a D cup now they're an A cup, and your teeth turned pearl white overnight?
Either you went to school at Hogwarts or you have an amazing photo editing program..

4)The "I'm tough on the internet but I run when I see you" people.
    *Don't talk the talk, unless you can walk the walk.

5)The "Everything offends me" people.
    *Hold up, so because of your religion, you can't be nice or friendly to someone who has a different view point?
Do I need to repeat that??

I honestly had to laugh as I wrote this because I find it a little ridiculous.

Let me here your viewpoints in the comments.
If I left a type out, feel free to comment and I can add it in!

To all the people I just offended, and those I didn't..
Yours truly,
Andrea Jenkins.

Woke up today, wondering what you'd try to say.
To change my mind, try to get me to stay.
Though it hurts to leave you like I am, I know it's for the best.

I just need to get this off my chest...

Don't think I didn't love you, don't live with any regrets.
Go on now, live your life taking chances and placing bets.

Sometimes you need to gamble your way through this life.

Flip a card, roll the dice and when you do, don't think twice.
Take a risk, take a chance.. Go and find romance.

Don't think I didn't love you, don't live with any regrets.
Go on now, live your life taking chances and placing bets.

I just want what's best for you. I'm sorry but it can't be me.
So I am setting you free.

Sometimes you need to gamble
through this life.

Andrea Jenkins

I know you'll light my way in the darkness and I will follow your light.
I may only see you at night, but within my heart you always shine bright.
There are many lighthouses, but for me I picture just one.
You are the lighthouse that lightens my way, and I know deep down, we will meet again someday.
Until then, I'll keep following your light that you shine so bright for me.
Andrea Jenkins

The sun, the moon.
The stars all aline.
That's when I'll know you are mine.
The rain, the dance the second chance.
That's when I'll feel you're mine.
Never let my walls down or I'll begin to drown.
Save me from myself.
When the shores wash away each grain of sand and wash away what's left of the land.
That's when I'll know you are mine.
When the air is gone and I won't belong, that's when I'll feel you're mine.
Andrea Jenkins

Life is too short to stress every waking moment.
Laugh, love, live.
Love your children and hold them close.
Treasure your family and friends.
Truly live each day as if it were your last.
Don't hold grudges, let go of the past and don't judge.
Let go of material things, for they do not go with you after this life.
Andrea Jenkins

Life is too short to stress every waking moment.
Laugh, love, live.
Love your children and hold them close.
Treasure your family and friends.
Truly live each day as if it were your last.
Don't hold grudges, let go of the past and don't judge.
Let go of material things, for they do not go with you after this life.

Writing a book isn't as easy as most would think.
Sure, you have an idea; the general picture of what you forsee it to be.
Then you begin to write, some parts are "easy" and some you draw blanks to.
Especially with my books.
I want it to feel real.
So on top of writing, I am researching.
This is going to take me a while.
I want it to be done and to share it with you all, but then the idea..
my vision would be thrown down the drain.
So, to give you the best; I am writing and re-writing until I feel it is ready.
might take me 6 months, might take me a year+
but, my book will be worth it.
This my friends is called writer's block.
I am writing to just write.
It works :)
Why would I post it on my blog for the world to see?
That's simple: because I want you to follow me on my journey.
With that said, stay tuned in because I have an amazing story in the works and I can't wait to share bits and pieces or teasers I guess you could say!
Much love,
Andrea Jenkins

As I sit here waiting on my little one's to prepare for the day's end, I can't help but think of how lucky I am.
I have four beautiful children, and they seize to amaze me.

When I was eighteen, I got pregnant with my first.
I don't remember being afraid, more intrigued and curious than anything.

As a woman, and being able to bring life to life, I find it absolutely amazing.

The entire experience, from pregnancy,  to labor, to watching them grow.

I never thought in a million years that these four wonderful children would be teaching ME things.

That is the beauty of life, you never stop learning.
The woman I have become today is all because of my children.
They have helped shape and form me.

I do everything for them.
All of the sleepless nights, the cry's for mommy, the tears I've wiped.. Everything is more than worth the effort you put into your children.

Cherish your children, hug them dearly.
Sooner than later, they will have grown into adults.
These tiny hands and feet, will no longer exist.
Cherish your children.
With that, I wish you all a great evening!
Yours truly,
Andrea Jenkins

Magic is an illusion, or maybe it is something we live & breathe everyday.
The imperfect perfections of the World.
Love, destiny, fate, art, expression...
The ability to pickup a pen and let your mind be heard.
Maybe you write a word that doesn't exist, or draw something nobody has ever seen before.

A story, filled with page after page of pure magic.
Raw and Real magic.
You have the ability to do it too.
Try it! You see, with writing- there isn't a right or a wrong way.
It's pure magic! Creating World's,  people, animals..
Things that are different to the human eye, an illusion. Majestic, power.. Writing is magical.
I'm Andrea by the way; "missfictionlove"
and you're about to begin a journey with me.
I hope my stories bring idea's to life, or give you hope, or even relate to you in some way.
Yours Truly,
Andrea Jenkins
P.S.
Feel free to leave your feedback!
my writing is for YOU :)